It comes to us when we least expect it. Familiar in tone, the message unclear and foreign, this unwanted guest creeps slowly from a darkness found within the deepest corners of our minds. It sometimes presents itself as a friend and matches the voice we’ve become accustomed to hearing between our ears, but given enough time, its sinister agenda becomes clear. Some can ignore or shake it off in the matter of seconds while other unfortunate souls are tortured relentlessly, but for those who can silence it for even a moment know that it will return to them eventually.
This voice seems to be the loudest during long periods of silence, which I experience a lot during my travels, or when my mood is relatively positive. It often reminds me of my past, mostly regrets for the actions I took and sometimes, the ones I didn’t but wish I had. Sometimes it reminds me of mistakes I made as a child and the guilt hits almost as strongly now as it did then (who regrets things from elementary school?!). Then the voice tends to stick on one particular regret, like honey on a tree in the heat, it becomes almost impossible to get rid of.
The worst of them all are regrets I didn’t know I had. It’s always that random and obscure thought or memory that I forgot existed, but it always comes as a surprise and never fails to pack a punch. I’m sure many of our readers understand what I mean.
I’ve tried a variety of solutions in an attempt to remove this voice or silence it by making amends, one way or another, with those I’ve wronged but that hasn’t deterred the voice from coming. I know many have gotten past the things I’ve done to wrong them but the voice doesn’t care; it’ll bring those moments up regardless. I’ve also tried ignoring it, seeking forgiveness with higher powers, forgiving myself, drowning the voice in alcohol–the list could go on forever, but nothing seems to stop it.
The only reprieve I’ve gotten was after apologizing. The voice still returns, but at least it doesn’t make me feel the guilt about not saying sorry and over the instance itself.
I’ve spoken with many people who are my senior and they tell me it never goes away. I’m sure there’s some road we can take to avoid it in the future and I will continue to search for it and offer my advice when I do.
The only solace or relief from this voice that I can offer is that we must choose to live for today and make sure the voice has nothing new to tell us tomorrow.
Do you have any ideas on how to help silence this voice? Let us know what you think!
And, as always, don’t forget to ‘Like!’ & ‘Share!’
If you have questions for the author, please use the form in the ‘Contact Us’ page.